Sunday, December 31, 2006

The OJ Simpsons

Happy Kwanzaa!

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The Monster Who Made Up Kwanzaa
As the leaves fall and November fades into December our sentimental hearts turn naturally from Thanksgiving to America’s second and only purely American seasonal observance – Kwanzaa. Real Americans love Kwanzaa because Kwanzaa is the funniest “holiday” ever invented. The creator of Kwanzaa may have been certifiably insane when he patched Kwanzaa together; you can decide that for yourself. Here is the history.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Wizards in Winter from South Dakota

Donations go to Adopt-A-Wish from the Make-A-Wish Foundation® of South Dakota. What a better way to encompass the spirit of Christmas than to make a Child's dream come true!

Budweiser Clydesdale Snowfight

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006


Naughty Nurses

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Nurses Complain About Heart Attack Grill
TEMPE, Ariz. (Dec. 9) - The Heart Attack Grill - a theme restaurant whose specialties include the Quadruple Bypass Burger and Flatliner Fries, cooked in pure lard - is making health-care professionals' blood pressure rise, and not because of the menu.
It is because of the waitresses' naughty nurse uniforms.

The waitresses wear skimpy, cleavage-baring outfits, high heels and thigh-high stockings - a male fantasy that some nursing organizations say is an insult to the profession.

Several nurses have complained to the Arizona attorney general's office, and a national nursing group has repeatedly asked Heart Attack Grill owner Jon Basso to stop using the outfits.

"Nurses are the most sexually fantasized-about profession," said Sandy Summers, executive director of the Center for Nursing Advocacy, based in Baltimore. "We're asking people, if they're going to have these fantasies, please don't make it so public. Move these sexual fantasies to other professions."

Basso shrugs off Summers' complaints, and refers to her and her supporters as prudes, cranks and lunatics.

"If anything, I think it glorifies nurses to be thought of as a physically attractive and desirable individual," Basso said. "There's a Faye Dunaway , Florence Nightingale hipness to it. Nobody wants to think of themselves as some old battle ax who changes bedpans for a living."

The most serious complaint Basso has faced was made to the Arizona attorney general's office by the state Board of Nursing. In September, the attorney general's office wrote Basso a letter informing him that he is illegally using the word "nurse" at his restaurant and on his Web site. Citing Arizona Statute A.R.S. 32-1636, the attorney general said only someone who has a valid nursing license can use the title "nurse."

Basso refused to remove "nurse" from his Web site but inserted an asterisk next to every nurse reference and included the following disclaimer:

"The use of the word `nurse' above is only intended as a parody. None of the women pictured on our Web site actually have any medical training, nor do they attempt to provide any real medical services. It should be made clear that the Heart Attack Grill and its employees do NOT offer any therapeutic treatments (aside from laughter) whatsoever."

Basso said the complaints have been good for business, "all they've done is ensure there's going to be a gajillion of these all over the country."

The Heart Attack Grill opened a year ago with a Hooters-like formula of red meat and sexy waitresses. Diners choose from among four cheeseburgers: the Single, Double, Triple and Quadruple Bypass. The Quadruple is a towering monstrosity with four half-pound beef patties, four pieces of cheese and a mound of bacon.

"Essentially, it's nutritional pornography. It's so bad for you it's shocking," Basso said.

If "patients," as customers are called, finish a triple or quadruple bypass, waitresses will push them out to their cars in wheelchairs at no additional charge.

"The service is fantastic," Steve Koebensky of Scottsdale said with a snicker. "But they're overly dressed."

Phoenix resident Amanda Price, one of the few women customers at the restaurant, said the outfits did not offend her. "You don't hear nuns complaining about pregnant nun costumes, and that's more disgraceful than sexy nurses," she said.

But Scottsdale nurse Kira Wilder, who contributed to the letter-writing campaign against the Heart Attack Grill, complained: "Why do they have to denigrate the nursing profession and sexualize nursing? It's just not necessary."

Courtney Chapman, a 20-year-old waitress at the grill, said she found nothing wrong with the uniform or the stares she gets.

"They definitely look at us, but they're guys," she said. "If our butts are coming out the bottom of our skirts, and our boobs are coming out the top of our shirts, we're kind of asking for it."

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Monday, November 27, 2006

Which James Bond Are You?

Your results:
You are Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig
Timothy Dalton
Sean Connery
Roger Moore
George Lazenby
Pierce Brosnan
The sixth actor to play Bond in the movies promises to be a more realistic, down to earth and not so perfect James Bond, while still being a sexy womanizer.

Click here to take the James Bond Personality Quiz


Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Rumsfeld Gets Cute At The Podium

Thank You Veterans

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Dear Veterans:

As November 11th is the day set aside on our calendar in which we honor you, I wanted to write and publish an open letter of gratitude to all of you. I am very old and before I pass away, I wanted to tell you a little about myself and what I have observed over the years about this land that you have defended.

I was an immigrant to this land; my coming here was a gift not just to me, but to America as well. I have lived in New York all my life and it was a privilege for me to stand and watch the ships from Europe come here, many loaded with other immigrants from all over the world. Many of those that arrived had tears in their eyes as they passed by me; tears of joy that at last their long arduous journey was finally at an end. Day after day, month after month, one ship after another came and disgorged their cargo of people desperate to start a new life in a new land.

This country grew both in size and in stature. All over the world people heard about this thing called freedom, and all those that came, came because they wanted it for themselves and their children; especially their children. Of course, in different areas of the world, where despots and tyrants ruled, America was hated. The only reason was out of jealousy. I suppose it is still true today; many are jealous of what we have here; jealous because they are stuck in a country where individual freedom is non existent, jealous because America has been so richly blessed by Almighty God Himself.

As the nation grew so too did the need for a strong military to defend her. Many immigrants and citizens over the years felt the need to give back to America and they, like you, joined a branch of the military and swore and oath to support and defend our Constitution, and they, like you, did it by swearing this oath to God. Over the years, we have been involved in many conflicts some large, some small. But whenever there has been a need for our servicemen to go into battle, they went because they felt honor bound; many were happy to go, not to enjoy the conflict they were going to, but to show their love for this land and all she represents.

I remember the parades up Fifth Avenue and Broadway whenever you came home. I saw tears in the eyes of many either out of pride or out of remembrance of a loved one who didn’t come home. I watched the parades and I listened to the speeches by the politicians and was profoundly gladdened when this day was set aside to honor you and remember those who had fallen in combat. During the Second World War, I watched the troop ships leave the harbor, people standing on the quays waving a tearful goodbye. Cargo ships bound for England left the harbor as well, served by civilians who went into harm’s way to help that small island nation endure the savage bombing by the Germans. Many of those ships were sunk, many who crewed them died and I remember them as well.

When victory was ours in Europe and in the Far East, the troops came home; well most of them did. And once again their were parades and speeches and crowds in the streets and the harbor was busy disgorging this nation’s battle tested and hardened men and yes, battled tested women who served as well. We, as a nation were so thankful for the work you did, all that you had to endure in order to keep us safe and our liberties secure. We settled down, our economy grew, and we were involved in maintaining the peace in the world and aiding those countries that had been devastated by the war. Even those countries that had been our enemy in that conflict received assistance and help in returning the displaced citizens to their home countries.

In Eastern Europe, an ideology that hates freedom reared its ugly head and soon we were embroiled in another type of war; a cold war as it became known. Many of those who saw their fathers and grandfather’s march off to war joined the military. They saw it either as an honor, family tradition, or like those of bygone years a civic duty to serve and protect this land and our liberties. This ideology of hate turned hot on the Korean Peninsula in 1950 and once more, America along with many from other free countries, were fighting to maintain the freedom and sovereignty of South Korea. This war however was different; it was treated as a political entity and new rules of engagement were created that limited what those who were serving in what they could do and where they could go, no matter what. This was repeated once more in South Vietnam to the detriment of those who were fighting against that hated ideology called communism. Sadly, when you returned home from that war, there were no parades; the citizens of this country seemed to have become jaded; they did not appreciate your work, your sacrifice, and your love of country. I wept for you all, the dead, the maimed, and those who did not come home because they were abandoned as an expedience for peace. I still mourn for them.

Communism was defeated, once more, you did your duty, not through conflict, but by becoming the best trained and equipped military in the world. To be sure, there are still places where that hated ideology is maintained, but not for much longer, I pray. We sent you to the Middle East in the last part of the last century to free a small country from a bigger one and you accomplished your task with lightening speed that amazed the world.

Now we are engaged in a conflict once more, and once more, you have taken your oath to support and defend this country to heart. Over 2,000 of your fellow soldiers have paid the ultimate price, and I so appreciate each and every life given that I might stand free today.

I am very old now and I fear I might be passing on soon. Before I fade from the American scene, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and every member of the Armed Forces of America; the soldiers of the United States Army, the United States Marine Corps, the united States Navy, and the United States Air Force, and The United States Coast Guard. I know the press has not treated you very well; I know that there are some who serve in our government who have belittled you, impugned your honor, and mocked the service you do. I know that there are many in the entertainment industry that despise you and wish all of you a horrible death. How sad; I remember when George M. Cohan wrote his song of Patriotism, how we sung them and learned them by heart.

Today, as I write this, in my heart and mind, I am watching the parades of old. My heartbeat is slowing, my breathing is getting shallower, and I fear I may not be here much longer. So once more, with tears running down my ancient cheeks, and my heart bursting with pride and love for each and every one of you, I say thank you. And in my prayers, I remember all those who fell in battle to preserve the freedom I have. May God continue to bless these United States and those who serve to protect her, even those citizens that hate this land and all it represents.

Thank you once more.


Lady Liberty

---author unknown

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Monday, October 30, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Red Skelton, Pledge of Allegiance from 1969

Red's comments at the end seem almost prophetic.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Prankster Harasses Madonna

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Aaron Barschak, a self-proclaimed "comedy terrorist," jumped in front of Madonna's car in London wearing nothing but a diaper (and sucking on a giant pacifier) and begged her to adopt him, too. No offense, Aaron, but we wouldn't want to adopt you, either.

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Meanwhile in France

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112 cars are burning every day.

“We are in a civil war, orchestrated by radical Islamists.”

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Monty Python Halo

Baxter Black

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Terror suspect contributed to school 'religion guidelines'

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Terror suspect contributed
to school 'religion guidelines'
Issued by Clinton, rules let students
pray to Allah, but banish Christmas

Posted: October 19, 2006
1:00 a.m. Eastern

By Bob Unruh
© 2006

A man arrested as a terror suspect for allegedly trying to transport $340,000 from a group tied to Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi, and who reputedly had connections to Osama bin Laden, helped write the "Religious Expression in Public Schools" guidelines issued by President Clinton during his tenure in office.

And that could explain why students at a California school were told as part of their required classes they would become Muslims and pray to Allah – and a federal judge approved that, and why an Oregon school this year is delivering similar lessons to its students, as WND has reported.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Why We're in Iraq

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From My Vast Right Wing Conspiracy

That’s CMSgt John Gebhardt of the 332nd Expeditionary Medical Group (Balad AB), comforting a little Iraqi girl.

This little girl’s entire family was executed…they intended to execute her also and shot her in the head…but they failed to kill her. She was cared for by John’s hospital and healing up, but has been crying and moaning. The nurses said John is the only one she seems to calm down with, so John has spent the last four nights holding her while they both sleep in that chair. The girl is coming along with her healing.
Senior Airman James Croxon (also of the 332nd Air Expeditionary Wing) speaks eloquently about why we’re in Iraq, after seeing a similar scenario with an Iraqi baby–most likely also cared for by Chief Gebhardt and his troops.

[W]hen I visited the hospital for the first time in May, I saw the terrible toll the insurgents are taking on the Iraqi people.

On that first visit I saw an Iraqi baby whose father was murdered by insurgents and whose mother was missing and assumed to be dead as well. As I held him I realized that his future was dependent on the outcome of this conflict and, to some extent, my actions here.

That injured and orphaned baby made me realize what was most basic and what gets taken for granted so easily - the basic freedom of life. I wasn’t fighting for politics or for religiosity gone amuck; I was fighting to give the Iraqi baby in my arms the right to live.

The brutal nature of what happened to this baby’s parents showed me the true nature of Iraq’s enemies. They don’t just want political power. They are extremist of the worst kind. Civilians, women and children are all targets. Their innocence is not enough to keep them safe from the anti-Iraq forces who are targeting them.
‘Nuff said.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Wow! Brigitte Gabriel: A Survivor of Islamic Terror Warns America

Robot thinks people taste like "bacon"

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So, apparently the guys at NEC thought it would be cool to make a wine-tasting robot. The robot -- pictured above -- fires a beam of light into the wine, and then uses an infrared spectrometer to analyze the reflection. It studies the chemical composition of the wine and delivers an instant verdict about how good it is. It's a neat trick, and it has other health-related skills: It can determine whether an apple is sweet or sour, or could even warn its owner if a food is too salty or fatty.

But the NEC guys decided to show off the robot to the media, and that's when it revealed its morbid secret. As the Associated Press reports:

When a reporter's hand was placed against the robot's taste sensor, it was identified as prosciutto. A cameraman was mistaken for bacon.
Yeah, we're screwed. The robots think we taste like crispy breakfast treats.

You Heard the Lady

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Snakes on a Train!

Yep, straight to DVD.

Fairy Tale

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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Friday, September 22, 2006

Cool Bumper Sticker

"My assault rifle isn't illegal,it's undocumented."

Monday, September 18, 2006

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Not My Icey Coolness!

First they came for the knitting needles, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a knitter. Then they came for the shoes, and I didn’t speak up because I wear sandals. Then they came for the lighters, and I didn’t speak up because I don’t smoke. Then they came for my Pepsi. And now it’s on, motherfuckers!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Middle East, simpified

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him:“President Bush, I called you because I had a dream.” Bush: “What was the dream about, Ahmadinejad?” Ahmadinejad: “I dreamed that USA was rebuilt and on the top of each house there was a flag.” Bush: “And what was written on the flag?” Ahmadinejad: “Allah is big, Allah is great!!!” Bush: “You know what, Ahmadinejad, it’s good that you called because I had a dream too. In my dream, Iran was rebuilt and on the top of each building there was a flag too.” Ahmadinejad: “What was written on the flags?” Bush: “I don’t know, I can’t read Hebrew!”